When You Don’t See Eye to Eye with Your Pastor
Moments of Frustration
As a Worship Leader, disagreements with your Pastor are bound to happen. It might be over something simple, like the length of the worship set, or something more significant, like the overall direction of the worship ministry. These moments can feel frustrating or even disheartening, especially when you’re passionate about the role worship plays in the church's life.
How you handle these disagreements, however, can make all the difference. Will you react in frustration, or will you approach the situation with grace and wisdom? Gene Edwards’ A Tale of Three Kings offers timeless insights into navigating leadership conflicts, reminding us of the importance of humility, submission, and trust in God’s sovereignty. By following David’s example of honoring even imperfect leaders, we can protect unity and build stronger relationships within the church—even when we don’t agree.
Here are four key steps to help you respond well when disagreeing with your Pastor:
1. Pause and Check Your Heart
As a Worship Leader, you’ve probably faced situations where you disagree with your Pastor. Maybe they’ve asked to cut a song you felt would resonate deeply, decided against adding new instruments or equipment you believe are crucial, or shifted the worship style in a way that feels out of sync with your vision. It’s easy to feel frustrated or undervalued in moments like these, but it’s important to pause and check your heart before reacting.
Questions to consider:
Am I upset because my pride is hurt, or is this genuinely about what’s best for the church?
Am I trusting God in control, even when I disagree with this decision?
Am I assuming the worst about their intentions, or have I tried to see things from their perspective?
In A Tale of Three Kings, David faced far worse challenges when Saul, his leader, actively sought to harm him. Yet, David chose humility and trusted God to work things out in His time. He didn’t act out of anger or self-righteousness but waited in God’s direction.
What you can do:
Pray and ask God to give you clarity and peace before addressing the disagreement.
Take a moment to reflect: Are you reacting emotionally, or is this an issue that must be addressed?
Talk it out with someone you trust—a mentor or fellow ministry leader who can help you process your thoughts.
Starting with reflection helps you approach the situation with a calm and open heart, setting the stage for healthy dialogue.
2. Seek to Understand the Pastor’s Perspective
Once you’ve checked your heart, the next step is understanding where your Pastor is coming from. As a Worship Leader, your focus is often on crafting meaningful worship experiences. Still, your Pastor may be considering the broader needs of the congregation, the church’s vision, or even logistical challenges you might not be aware of.
Common disagreements might include:
Worship style changes: Maybe your Pastor feels the church should incorporate more traditional hymns, but you’re passionate about staying contemporary.
Service flow decisions: They might cut worship time to allow for a longer sermon or other activities, leaving you feeling that worship isn’t prioritized.
Budget constraints: You might see the need for new instruments or technology while your Pastor is focused on other financial priorities.
What to do:
Ask questions respectfully: For example, “Can you share more about why we’re shifting the worship style? I want to ensure I align the music with your vision.”
Assume positive intentions: Trust that your Pastor’s decisions are made with the church's best interests in mind, even if you don’t initially agree.
Listen actively: Sometimes, just understanding the bigger picture can help you see the wisdom behind a decision.
In A Tale of Three Kings, David doesn’t question God’s plan, even when Saul’s leadership seems misguided. He remains humble, trusting that God has reasons beyond what he can see. So, what can we do to approach this better? Take the time to schedule a one-on-one conversation with your Pastor to gain clarity. A calm, honest dialogue often reveals perspectives you hadn’t considered. What if you approach the conversation with curiosity rather than defensiveness? This could keep the focus on collaboration rather than conflict.
When you take the time to understand your Pastor’s perspective, you build trust and open the door for productive solutions. You might not agree on everything, but you’ll better understand how to align your ministry with their vision.
3. Submit with Humility and Wisdom
Submission is a word that can feel heavy, especially when you strongly disagree with a decision. However, as a Worship Leader, submission to your Pastor isn’t about losing your voice—it’s about trusting that God has placed them in leadership for a purpose. This doesn’t mean you can’t share your perspective, but it does mean honoring their final decision, even if it’s not what you would have chosen.
Common challenges:
Song selection disagreements: Your Pastor might veto songs you feel deeply connected to because they don’t align with the sermon or the church’s current focus.
Service changes: You may have to adjust your plans to accommodate decisions such as reducing worship time or restructuring the service flow.
Vision conflicts: Perhaps you’re excited about pursuing a creative new direction for the worship team, but your Pastor feels it’s not the right season for change.
In A Tale of Three Kings, David models submission in difficult circumstances. Even when Saul treated him unjustly, David refused to retaliate or undermine his authority. Instead, he trusted that God was ultimately in control, saying, “It is not my place to harm the Lord’s anointed.”
How to submit with humility:
Share your thoughts respectfully: Explain your perspective clearly and calmly, focusing on the ministry’s goals rather than your personal preferences.
Accept the decision gracefully: Once your Pastor has made a decision, publicly support it, even if you still have reservations.
Trust God’s timing: If you feel strongly about something that isn’t moving forward, trust that God may use this situation to grow you or prepare the church for the right time.
Imagine your Pastor significantly shortening the worship set to allow more time for announcements or teaching. You might feel frustrated that worship is being “squeezed.” But, instead of pushing back emotionally, you could say, “I trust your vision, and I’ll adjust our worship set to ensure it still creates a meaningful moment for the congregation.”
Submitting doesn’t mean you’re giving up—it means you’re trusting God to work through your Pastor’s leadership while remaining faithful in your role. This kind of humility strengthens your relationship with your Pastor and serves as a powerful example for your worship team and the congregation.
4. Respond, Don’t React
Disagreements can stir up strong emotions, especially when you feel passionate about your role as a Worship Leader. It’s easy to let frustration lead to impulsive reactions—venting to others, withdrawing, or pushing back too forcefully. Instead, respond thoughtfully and intentionally, focusing on preserving unity and building trust.
What reacting looks like:
Gossiping or complaining: Sharing your frustrations with team members or others in the congregation can create division and harm relationships.
Passive resistance: Continuing to do things your way or subtly disregarding your Pastor’s decisions can erode trust.
Emotional outbursts: Letting anger or disappointment drive your conversations may close the door to healthy dialogue.
What responding looks like:
Praying for your Pastor: Ask God to guide their decisions and give you peace about the situation.
Speaking graciously: When raising your concerns, focus on solutions rather than criticism. For example, “I understand why you want to shorten worship time, but can we still brainstorm ways to create a vertically focused worship experience?”
Choosing unity: Even if you disagree, publicly support your Pastor’s decision. This shows maturity and reinforces a spirit of collaboration within the church.
In A Tale of Three Kings, David had multiple opportunities to retaliate against Saul, yet he chose restraint. He didn’t act out of emotion but trusted God to handle the situation in His time. David’s faith and self-control preserved the unity of God’s people, even in challenging circumstances. If your Pastor makes a decision you disagree with—like prioritizing traditional hymns over contemporary songs—don’t vent your frustrations to the team. Instead, respond by brainstorming ways to creatively adapt, such as blending the two styles to honor both perspectives.
You maintain healthy relationships and demonstrate a commitment to unity by choosing to respond rather than react. Your example can set the tone for your worship team and congregation, showing them how to navigate conflict with grace and integrity.
Trust God’s Sovereignty
Ultimately, A Tale of Three Kings reminds us that God’s plans are greater than ours. When disagreements arise, how we handle them reflects our faith in His control. Trust that God works through all situations to refine us and accomplish His will for the church. As you navigate these moments, strive to embody David’s humility, patience, and trust, creating a spirit of unity that honors God.
